Tuesday July 8th: Coming To Peace With A Less Than Peaceful Birth callfor anyone who felt betrayed by their body or support team – no previous workshop attendance necessary.Also July 8th: Active Mindset Creator call for previous workshop attendees
Dear friend ,
While reading a story about a person whose life experiences included abuse at the hands of a famous person I was struck by a quote which summed up a sentiment I hear repeatedly in my sessions with clients.This person did not speak out about the abuse sooner because, in her own words:“one reason I never said anything is that I regarded her life as being more important than mine…”When stated that clearly not many people would have stated those exact words, yet the feeling and its control over people’s lives is very real.
The way we see ourselves is powerful.
Our vision affects the way we present our needs to the world.
The way we see ourselves determines whether we will stand up to an abuser or stay in a situation that is unhealthy.
In some cases this feeling of less-than will keep us from recognizing an unhealthy situation since if you don’t deserve better you don’t expect better.
In many cases a poor sense of their own self-importance will keep a person from feeling they deserve any better. This is true even when they are presented with their OWN STORY from another point of view. When they hear the story they may relate to it but most importantly they will often recommend the person in the story get out of the unhealthy situation. When reminded that the story sounds like their own, it is the rare person that hears it the first time. Some will even justify why their situation is not the same as the example, even if it is the same story down to the details.
Perception is everything, and the perception that anyone else is
- more important OR
- more worthy
than yourself can, in fact, be dangerous.
In the case of the story I quoted from above, she went on to say that other people’s possible discomfort with the news was also a motivating factor in her keeping quiet even when she knew the abuser was also abusing others. One more time… She justified herself and others being continually abused because she did not want to make other people uncomfortable. She felt their comfort was more important than hers. She felt the person doing the abuse was more important than those receiving, thus she was unworthy to speak out and put a stop to it.
Since people commonly deny they feel unworthy even when their actions show otherwise, how can they recognize this core belief as one of their motivating factors?
Some signs you are judging yourself unworthy are when you:
- regularly feel the need to justify why your needs are less important than another’s
- would set aside your needs repeatedly if it means another person gets what they want
- avoid asking for anything because you will be ‘just fine’ even if you don’t get your needs met
What you can DO about it if you recognize this:
- journal about your situation – read it back to yourself in a few days as if it is another person’s story
- let the people in your life know you have a need, and do not apologize for having a need
- make a request, such as a need for alone-time, and observe how it feels to stand up for that need
Notice if this feels natural and normal, or do you feel the need to apologize and negotiate every need?
Often the hardest part about beginning to value ourselves is that we have already trained others how to treat us. It is important to recognize that as you stand up for your own needs. You may see push-back. That is ok, it is part of the process. Important for you to be able to stand up, and for others to not knock you down. Notice how it feels to stand up for you, and remember to explain to yourself why you are making the choices you are making. Do your choices make sense if you are worthy of being as-much-as or equal-to another?
This month’s Birthing Peace Within call was all about our stories and the way we tell them. It was such a powerful session. Next month’s session is about what we ask for and how we ask for it – specifically our birthing plans.
If you have a story about how mindset shifts have changed your life please send it to me along with your wish to keep it either private, anonymous, or shared to inspire.
How do you show yourself you are worthy? Leave a comment below so we can all learn.
PS:If you weren’t able to attend last week’s Active Mindset Creation call be sure to register ahead of time for the July 8th call. Write to lori@MindsetCreator.com to get that taken care of right now!
If you work with others and want to bring clarity and your best self to that relationship check out the schedule below to join me at a workshop or webinar to become a more balanced Active Mindset Creator.
Upcoming Mindset Creator Events
New series: Mothering the Mothering Mindset calls – July 8th
Coming To Peace With A Less Than Peaceful Birth
Did you write a lovely birth plan that you were excited about yet the reality was nothing like your dream? Do you feel what actually occurred was unrecognizable or feel your plans were thwarted at every turn?
Carrying around the pain, anger, and shame from that experience can feel like a heavy weight. People after don’t even realize how heavy it is.
Monthly Active Mindset Creator Calls – Tuesday — July 8th
This series of calls are for those who have taken a Mindset Creator Workshop course in the past or are working with me in private sessions. The calls are an opportunity to ask questions, harness group energy to facilitate shifts, and gain clarity.
Contact lori@MindsetCreator.com if you need directions on how to connect. Recordings available for registered participants who cannot attend in person.
Midwife Mindset workshops being planned across the USA and beyond!
This workshop is geared towards individuals working with women who are undergoing one of the most powerful shifts in their lives – birth! Clear your own birth traumas and gain clarity around those situations so you can work with the women you serve as your best self.
This workshop is required for graduation from the Ancient Art Midwifery Institute
If you are interested in attending or hosting a Mindset Creator workshop in your area contact Lori@MindsetCreator.com