Time is running out to register for either of the upcoming Labor of Love workshops for birthworkers in Australia – coming in October -register here:

October 24-25th 2015 – Geelong, Australia – Labor of Love lifeskills for birthworkers

Oct 31st-Nov 1st 2015 – Sydney, Australia – Labor of Love lifeskills for birthworkers

I have a very special article for you this week, written by a mom inspired by her own birth trauma to plant seeds for positive births. If you recognize yourself in Lizzie’s story, know you are not alone.

The effects of birth trauma

by Lizzie Carroll

I have suffered from, and survived, obstetric violence and birth trauma. When I tell people my story I get a variety of responses:   “Lucky you were in hospital so they could save your baby”; “All that matters is a healthy baby”; “It’s all over now, so maybe you just need to move on”; Sometimes, if I meet someone sympathetic I’ll be told “Oh well…Maybe next time will be better”.  The underlying message is that it’s just one day. That it doesn’t matter. And that, because it is “in the past” it has no impact on how I grow as a mother. That it is irrelevant.

But how I was treated and the events that occurred during my pregnancy and the birth of my children have had huge impacts on my present life and how I mother my children.

The first effect that I noticed was the crying. Every afternoon my partner would come home and I would practically throw the baby at him and escape to the shower where I could cry through flashbacks unnoticed and uninterrupted. I cried myself to sleep every night for the first 4 months of my daughter’s life as my labour and birth experiences continued to play back before my eyes.

Being with my baby triggered flashbacks for me and as such I found that I wanted to return to work as soon as I could simply so I wouldn’t have the constant trigger. But I found that the times when I was breastfeeding my baby were the only times I felt connected to her, like she was truly mine. I became determined to breastfeed at almost any cost. Trying to balance work and breastfeeding and avoiding the trigger of my baby was stressful – to say the least.

Birth trauma impacted on the choices I made and fears I held for my second birth. And the birth trauma I experienced with that birth has had an extremely huge impact on how I parent, how I live and how I will birth in future. My fear of hospitals and hospital based care providers has been cemented. I will probably never feel safe in hospital. To me, hospital has become a place where you are bullied and coerced and manipulated into toeing the line, rather than a place where you are cared for.

Birth trauma has impacted on how I feel about doctors in general and taking my children to the doctor specifically. It has impacted on how I feel about medical procedures and colours my choices as to whether I get recommended procedures done. I find that I no longer go to the doctor unless I have a VERY specific plan of what I want out of it and feel confident that I won’t be talked into other possibilities. I have declined some tests and procedures simply because the thought of undergoing them leaves me shaking and terrified.

My birth trauma gave me my mission in life. To help women discover their own birthing power. To help them find their voices. Without my trauma I would not have discovered my passion for feminism and supporting women. I would not have become a strong advocate for bodily autonomy…heck, I probably wouldn’t have even heard the term “bodily autonomy”!

The birth trauma I experienced has led me down the path of training to be a doula, training to be a Hypnobirthing Australia practitioner, becoming a birth activist and writer.

Some days I feel that my experiences have left me a weaker version of the mother I could have been and some days I realise that they have made me stronger than I ever thought I could be. I didn’t just suffer from birth trauma, I am not just a victim of obstetric violence – I am a survivor. I am a mother.

Lizzie Carroll is a passionate doula, Hypnobirthing Australia certified practitioner, writer, birth nerd and mum. She has grown from her birth trauma to start up Sprout Doula and Hypnobirthing Services and hopes to help you plant the seed for your positive birth.  You can read more of Lizzie’s work at: http://matterhatter.com.au/ where she writes as “Lizzi”. You can also check out her website: www.sproutbirthing.com.au or find her on facebook at Sprout Doula and Hypnobirthing Services.