for anyone who felt betrayed by their body or support team – no previous workshop attendance necessary.
Also July 8th: Active Mindset Creator call for previous workshop attendees
Dear Fellow Active Mindset Creator,
I was honored to be at the Postpartum Support International Dinner last night. If you are not aware of their mission check out their site here. I was inspired and in awe of so many people there who are working towards a world in which postpartum women:
- who ‘know’ and admit there is something wrong are not further traumatised by having their feelings minimised or dismissed when they reach out for help.
- do not feel so alone in their confusion when they feel unable to cope with what they believe to be natural and instinctive process that only they “don’t get”.
- do not further ‘beat themselves up’ for having feelings of inadequacy or confusion
- are able to address what their feelings are telling them about themselves, instead of reprimanding themselves for not feeling the way they are ‘supposed’ to feel.
Stories are powerful.
The way we tell them is powerful.
The way we respond to them is powerful.
I heard stories last night that inspired me with the knowledge that women who had similar life experiences are acting as mentors to others in these situations.
I also heard time and time again how women *knew* something was ‘off’ and they felt minimised when they reached out for help. IF they reached out. Some couldn’t get bring themselves to admit they felt alone or needed help. Their cultural training led them to believe that if they needed help they were not worthy of being mothers, or that they were just ungrateful for the blessing of a child.
The ‘lucky’ moms were supported and moved through those feelings via various techniques to come to a new level of healthy. Too many were dismissed, belittled, or minimized when they shared their stories. In many cases they were reminded to “count their blessings” or “get a mother’s helper” – both of which seem like helpful advice, but can further support the reality of a mom who sees herself as incapable of coping.
This led to a spiral of feeling inadequate, questioning one’s sanity, and a feeling of powerlessness. Most even started dismissing their OWN feelings that something was ‘off’.
Why does a community or family support network deny women the help they need – even when theyadmit they need help?
I heard many possible answers to this question last night… I am sure there are many more.
Women have historically been:
- led to believe that if they feel inadequate they just don’t have enough self-esteem
- living in fear that if they admit they feel incapable, their children will be removed from their care
- chastised for not feeling blessed when ‘others have it worse’
All of these patterns (and more) are often related to a disconnect or an actual denial of the worthiness of our feelings. If we have not accepted the myth that our feelings are unworthy of attention, we feel conflicted.
To get beyond the conflict we have to honor our own emotions enough to insist we are heard.
Even if only by ourselves at first.
How can we keep from minimising our feelings of inadequacy even if others are supporting that reality?
Some signs you are not honoring your emotions are when you:
- just know something is off
- are talking to yourself in a way you would never speak to a friend.
- withdraw because you feel it takes too much energy to pretend things are ok
If you are aware you are feeling this way :
- honor your feelings and listen to you the way you would listen to a friend. Without judgement.
- stand in front of a mirror and tell your story. To you. Listen like you listen to a person you love.
- reach out to someone who will listen. Resist the urge to give up if the first person you talk to is dismissive. Trust yourself and the feeling that you need help.
Last week’s Birthing Peace Within call was all about our stories and the way we tell them. It was such a powerful session, dealing with the same topics being discussed last night.
Create your ideal self-supportive mindset from a place of balance and clarity — (click here to get it if you haven’t already done this!) and join myself and other mindset creators at a workshop or webinar.
If you have a story about how mindset shifts have changed your life please send it to me along with your wish to keep it either private, anonymous, or shared to inspire.
PS:If you weren’t able to attend this week’s Active Mindset Creation call be sure to register ahead of time for the July 8th call. Write to lori@MindsetCreator.com to get that taken care of right now!
If you work with others and want to bring clarity and your best self to that relationship check out the schedule below to join me at a workshop or webinar to become a more balanced Active Mindset Creator.
Upcoming Mindset Creator Events
New series: Mothering the Mothering Mindset calls – July 8th
Coming To Peace With A Less Than Peaceful Birth
Did you write a lovely birth plan that you were excited about yet the reality was nothing like your dream? Do you feel what actually occurred was unrecognizable or feel your plans were thwarted at every turn?
Carrying around the pain, anger, and shame from that experience can feel like a heavy weight. People after don’t even realize how heavy it is.
You do not have to attend a workshop to participate in this call.
Register here – replay is available to registered participants who cannot attend in person.
Monthly Active Mindset Creator Calls – Tuesday — July 8th
This series of calls are for those who have taken a Mindset Creator Workshop course in the past or are working with me in private sessions. The calls are an opportunity to ask questions, harness group energy to facilitate shifts, and gain clarity.
Contact lori@MindsetCreator.com if you need directions on how to connect. Recordings available for registered participants who cannot attend in person.
Midwife Mindset workshops being planned across the USA and beyond!
This workshop is geared towards individuals working with women who are undergoing one of the most powerful shifts in their lives – birth! Clear your own birth traumas and gain clarity around those situations so you can work with the women you serve as your best self.
This workshop is required for graduation from the Ancient Art Midwifery Institute
If you are interested in attending or hosting a Mindset Creator workshop in your area contact Lori@MindsetCreator.com